


leah clearwater

by VampireGuardDogs



Series: twilight headcanons - individuals [1]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-09-29 03:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireGuardDogs/pseuds/VampireGuardDogs
Summary: a series of headcanons focusing on leah clearwater





	1. sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Come talk to me on Tumblr under the username vampireguarddogs and to see a bunch more Twilight content, including writing I don't post here and moodboards! I also accept writing requests for your favorite ship, character, or group. I love any kind of message, long or short, about my work or anything! Have a great day. :)

ever since sam left her, leah always had trouble sleeping. she tried everything. having a set bedtime, turning off screens long before bed, meditating before bedtime, various medicines. nothing helps. her mother was never surprised to walk into their small kitchen at five or six in the morning to see leah making toast, after having not fallen asleep. 

she’s usually able to fall asleep soon after her mother wakes, falling asleep around six or seven and then being woken up at noon or one.

her problems get worse after her father dies. she can’t fall asleep at all most nights, and only gets in a few hours taking naps during the day. she’s never able to stay asleep for more than two hours before she wakes up.

eventually, she begins taking walks throughout the night. she travels around la push and the beach, exploring her hometown. she used to do this as a kid, but everything looks different at night when you’re alone. she goes through the woods, careful not to get too far in in case she can’t find her way back out. sometimes, she wanders down to the boundry lines between forks and la push. 

it’s on one of these walks that she changes for the first time. she’s walking in the forest, further in then she usually goes, when she hears something heavy moving behind her. in her panic, she shifts. she grows more confused and scared at what she’s become, but she remembers the legends she grew up hearing. 

soon, she hears voices that aren’t hers in her head. they belong to some of the boys she’s grown up knowing. she recognizes the voice of quil and jared. soon, two more wolves burst through the trees and tell her what’s happened, and how she can phase back. they then leave her alone so she can have privacy.

instead of phasing back, leah lays down on the ground to think. eventually, she falls asleep right there in the underbrush. she wakes up ten hours later, having slept through the night for the first time in years.

she slowly walks back home, and waits until she’s right outside her house to phase back. she sneaks in through her window and grabs a pair of clothes. 

from then on, leah sleeps outside. sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s raining, but nothing feels better than sleeping under the stars.


	2. likes and dislikes

she loves using her hands to make things. woodworking is her favorite. before her werewolf transformation, she used it as an anger management strategy. she would sit in her family’s backyard for hours, either looking for fallen branches she could carve or carving things. eventually, she had a small shed built that she could use as a workshop.

her anger got harder and harder to manage, until eventually one night she turned into a werewolf. she hated this change more than anything, because it changed her life. she was once again stuck constantly being reminded of what happened between her and sam. she had to spend time with a bunch of boys who were uncomfortable with having her around, solely because she was a woman and dared to show her pain. she hated the wolf pack, and she hated that she was part of it even more.

she loved the forest. the only good part of being a wolf was the speed. she could now see more of the forest than ever before. the hours she used to spend woodworking she now spent running through the forest. the more she ran, the better she felt. eventually, it got easier for her to control herself and she spent much less time as a wolf.

she didn’t like cooking. she could never figure out how to make anything much more complicated than toast or spaghetti, and she found it took way too long and was boring. she much preferred running into the house, grabbing a handful of pretzels or fruit or something else already prepared, and running back outside. sometimes her mother would cook for her, but most of the time she fended for herself.


	3. happy

after the events of breaking dawn, leah starts taking yoga lessons to help her learn anger management. they help immensely, and she goes months without turning into a wolf. 

after about a year of not phasing, she begins to age again and decides to wants to move away. she’s spent her whole life in this town, and it’s not making her happy anymore. she   
still loves her mother and brother, but there’s nothing else holding her here. her ex-fiance and best friend are now married, no members of the pack are her friends anymore, and there’s little danger from vampires. even if there was still danger, the pack is plenty large enough to handle it.

leah moves down to a small coastal town in california, always wanting to be near the beach. that was one of the few small things from la push she would miss. she goes home occasionally to visit her family, but rarely leaves the town.

she tries a few community colleges, but the atmosphere isn’t really for her. she doesn’t want to spend the time and money in college anyway, since she doesn’t know what she wants to do. eventually, she enrolls in a couple of woodworking classes offered at the local arts center. they’re more geared toward kids, but she finds she loves it. it was something   
she used to do in la push, but she stopped doing it when… everything happened.

she finds herself happier than she’s ever been working with the wood. she also learns that she has a knack for it, and is soon making various decorative pieces, and some functional furniture. eventually, the teacher of the workshop asks leah if she wants to help lead a class. leah accepts, and finds a lot of joy in teaching. she’s reminded of the fun she used to have with the art form, and is able to connect with people from all walks of life. she loves hearing their stories. 

eventually, she begins teaching her own classes. her classes become so popular that the arts center can’t keep up, and leah opens her own workshop just outside of the town. she keeps teaching the classes, and begins selling her work. she’s not making a ton, but she makes enough to live comfortably on, and for her, comfortable is enough. it’s more than she was in a long, long time, and she feels safe. this is where she was meant to be.


	4. Coming Out

How was one supposed to handle this? It took her long enough to accept it herself, now she had to ask others - her family, her friends - to do the same? She had no idea how or where to start.

With herself, it started small. After Sam left her, she couldn’t look at anyone else for a long time. She couldn’t until she went out of town and met a girl named Sarah with curly red hair and a smile that could light up the room, re-animating the long-dormant butterflies in Leah’s stomach. They exchanged numbers and continued talking for weeks after that. The butterflies never faded and she realized this wasn’t how she had ever felt about Sam; this was real love, and she had never felt it before.

She didn’t tell anyone what was happening with Sarah. She didn’t know how to explain it herself. They were just friends. Right? It was just new exploration for this part of herself. This was her own secret to explore, to keep, and she wouldn’t share it until she was ready. She wasn’t even sure she had anything to share. 

Keeping the exploration from the pack was the hardest. She could accidentally reveal it to them, so she kept her mind as busy as possible. Bringing up other things for the pack to focus on, thinking of her past relationship, anything that wasn’t Sarah, or the word she was slowly growing comfortable with - lesbian. They all knew she was hiding something, but not what. And she wouldn’t reveal anything.

Her… something with Sarah stayed nothing. Leah wasn’t ready for anything, and Sarah had someone else. It was fine. Just having the feelings, exploring someone new, had been exactly what Leah had needed. They stayed in touch; Leah needed someone she could talk about this with, until she was able to tell others.

It wasn’t too much longer before she was ready. She debated who to tell first, wanting her mother and brother to know, but afraid it would leak to the rest of the pack if Seth knew, regardless if he wanted to tell them or not. But she wanted them to know, regardless of how. It was time. 

She told her mother first, wanting her to be the first to know, wanting to have that private moment with her. Seth was out on patrol, so it was just Leah and her mother in the kitchen. Leah had asked if they could talk, but then couldn’t get any words out after that. Sue put her to work peeling potatoes for dinner that night, waiting until her daughter was comfortable enough to speak. She wouldn’t push her. Eventually, Leah blurted out the words “mom, I’m gay,” with a potato in one hand and the peeler in the other. Sue had frozen by the stove, where she had been stirring the soup she was making for dinner. The small house remained quite while Sue heard what Leah had said, absorbing what it mean to have a gay daughter. Leah couldn’t look anywhere but the food she was holding, shaking with her nerves. Sue set down the spoon, walked over to Leah, and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. It had been a long time since they had embraced like this, but it felt like no time at all. “Thank you, I love you,” Sue murmured into Leah’s ear, her cheek pressed to her shoulder as they held each other for a long time. Leah wiped her eyes when they separated, before turning back to her task and asking her mother about her day. Nothing had changed, except now she knew.

Telling Seth turned out to be easier, if only because she knew what to expect. Sue had gone out to run errands, leaving the two siblings alone. They sat in the living room; a movie was playing but neither was watching. They weren’t even sure what movie was playing. It had been a long time since they had hung out alone together, so the moment a little awkward. Leah was waiting until she gathered her nerve; she had been staring at the screen for over an hour not comprehending what was happening, too lost in her own thoughts. She paused the movie quickly, before asking Seth if they could talk. He said of course, turning to face his sister, wondering what was on her mind. She stumbled over her words, unsure of how to introduce the topic; she didn’t exactly just want to blurt it out again. Seth listened patiently, waiting for her to find the words. She did, eventually telling him that she had been thinking about it for a long time, and after talking with others who felt the same, she had realized she was a lesbian. He launched himself over the coach in his haste to hug her tight, quickly letting go to remind her he loved her and was proud of her. She couldn’t hold back a huge smile, hugging her brother again. He asked if she needed any advice talking to girls. She laughed, rolling her eyes. But then took him up on the offer.

Later, Seth brought home a white t-shirt and some fabric paint. Leah walked into his room later to see him making a shirt that red “I love my lesbian sister” in rainbow letters. She pretended to find it cheesey, but it was a challenge to conceal the joy and love she felt from the simple action. Seth asked for her permission before he wore it, eventually storing it away until she was more comfortable. The gesture of making and having it was enough.

Now that her family knew and was accepting, she knew it was about time she tell others she knew. She didn’t really care about the rest of the pack knowing, but didn’t feel like hiding it anymore. She asked Seth to try to hide it as best as he could, so that it would be her decision when they knew. He agreed. She didn’t necessarily try to tell them every, just stopped hiding it. And that worked soon enough. They were surprised, but didn’t really have much to say about it. It didn’t much affect how anyone saw her, and she was happier now, and was spending more time with the others. 

They all took turns trying to set her up with someone. Only Seth got it right.


	5. Cool TM

It took Leah a long time to realize and accept the truth about herself. It wasn’t until she had been single for awhile that she realized something was different. It was a slow realization but a welcome one. As soon as she was honest about it, she felt more like herself than she had in a long time.

She didn’t bother to tell anyone, preferring instead to leave it unsaid, to let people figure it out for themselves. She cut her hair short, so short it was practically shaved. It felt right to her. As a bonus, it made life as a wolf easier. She joined the boys in wearing plain black shorts and sweatpants, finding them easiest for phasing. She wore random tank tops over them, cutting the sleeves off of shirts if they were too long.

She wore flannels over them. It made phasing slightly more difficult, but she didn’t like the looks she got in just the tank top. It added a layer against the cold, too. She didn’t need it, but it looked more normal. All of hers came from thrift stores, where she spent hours digging through the men’s section for the brightest colored ones. Her favorite was her neon yellow and orange one, but she was forever looking for a rainbow one to beat it.

Most of her time was spent on the beach. She would search through the rocky sand, looking for different things she could incorporate into her sculptures. This was mostly done alone, but she loved striking up conversations with anyone she met. It was easy for her; her newfound confidence shining through. It wasn’t long until she discovered how easy it was to flirt with the tourists that visited the beach. It rarely went anywhere, but it was too fun to worry.

Groups would usually ask her to hang out with them, especially once she offhandedly mentioned the shortcut she knew to get to the tidepools. It was so effortless, so easy for her to lead new groups through the woods to the other side of the beach. Her way was actually longer, but they didn’t need to know that. The view was cooler.

She showed off at the pools, leaping easily from rock to rock. It was something that comes easily when you grow up around them, she’d explain with a twinkle in her eye. She would offer to teach her ways, but the lessons ended once people started falling into the pools. Leah couldn’t help but laugh.

Most people actually avoided swimming in the water, finding it too cold. Leah loved it. She hated running so hot all the time, so it was a nice break. She could often coax people to join her, although they never went as far as she did.

As the sun went down, she would go on walks through the woods, always exploring somewhere new to show to others. Through the trees, she’d watch the sun sink, admiring the changing light as the forest darkened around her. She always came back with fallen branches to use for sculptures.

Her studio was a small building on the Clearwater property. It had once been a garage, but her family never used it for its intended purpose, so she converted it. She loved to bring women back to there, talking about anything and everything as she created delicate carvings. It felt natural, sharing her work with others.

She went to pride a few times, bringing a couple people from the reservation with her. It was a great time, full of food, laughter, music, and flirting. She met a lot of cool people; exchanging numbers and making plans to meet up at other times with them.

While at pride, she made sure to buy a lesbian pride flag to hang above her bed in her room. She ended up getting a rainbow one too, because she couldn’t choose. The rainbow one was hung in her workshop.


End file.
